heroes versus spiders the ultimate matchup

How do the most famous movie heroes fare when paired with the biggest, baddest spiders? Admittedly, Halloween week brings out the crazy pest questions–usually paired with SyFy Channel original movies. For these matchups we avoided the obvious and limited the roster to heroes from movies in which spiders play an incidental role. Read on to find out who wins the ultimate spider matchup.

Indiana Jones vs. One Hundred Tarantulas

Remember the tarantulas in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)? Unlike snakes, Indy proves that he has no fear of arachnids. Upon entering the cave in the opening sequence, he and his guide become covered with hundreds of tarantulas. Indy calmly brushes them off with his trusty bull whip. Hmmm. No daring-do, no theatrics, and no dead spiders. We call this “battle” a draw.

Harry Potter vs. Aragog

In Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), Aragog is the mini-bus-sized spider at home in the dark forest. She is a “friend” of Hagrid and commands an army of smaller spiders to attack Harry. Harry has a very young, and useless, Ron as his backup team. Can Harry’s wand best Aragog’s minions? Not really. Before being rescued by an enchanted car, Harry does blast one spider with the Arania Exumai spell, but leaves Aragog alive and well. Point Aragog.

Samwise Gamgee vs. Shelob

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) introduced Shelob, an enormous and ancient spider. After hero Frodo succumbs to Shelob’s paralyzing bite, Samwise Gamgee takes up Frodo’s Elven blade, Sting, to battle Shelob. Sam wields the sword with vengeance. Although he appears to deal a death blow, the spider only retreats into her lair after Sam releases the light of the Phial of Galadriel. We call this battle a draw, after all, Shelob did sink her fangs into Frodo.

James Bond vs. One Tarantula

In 1960, it seems that no one read the memo about tarantulas. For all their hairy scary size, tarantulas are virtually harmless. Nevertheless when James Bond awakens in Dr. No (1962) to find a tarantula crawling in excruciating slow motion towards his neck, sweat beads on the super-spy’s forehead. Once the spider slips onto the pillow, Bond bravely tosses the pillow across the room and leaps out of bed. He quickly grabs his trusty Walther PPK, er, we mean size 12 Oxford and pounds the spider to death. Finally, we have a clear winner in the heroes versus spiders matchup: James Bond and his shoe!

(We should hire that guy.)